My Quest to find Her ~ My Wild Criatura

by | Jun 23, 2011 | Astro Scribe

My Quest

Without realizing what I was seeking, this was the quest that broke through in my early 40s when I could no longer bear the confines of life as mother, musician, teacher, spiritual devotee, lover.  I had worked hard and accomplished much in all of these areas, was renowned as a master teacher.  Yet something in me was desperately languishing.  My health started to decline as did my relationships. I turned my back on organized spirituality and found myself becoming less tolerant of my children, my partner, my work.

Something was calling me.  Howling.

I could feel the presence of her encroaching wildness.  She prowled in my dreams.  My sexuality exploded on the scene. The energy was ferocious and terrified me even while I yearned for it more than anything.  I knew the power of the wild dark side as I was nearly destroyed by it as a teenager.

Yet I also knew its gift.  Dark eros.  The jewel in the darkness.  Tremendous wisdom and beauty had unearthed itself out of the previous chaos and destruction of my earlier life.  In this moment within this dark jewel, I was experiencing the radical drive for creation.  Self Creation!  I had birthed enough babies.  Now I thirsted for Art.  My art.  My personal self expression.

I began to follow my instinctual intuition.  Smelling. Hearing. Touching. Imagining my way through the unconscious.  I was seeking something new.  Something ancient.

My pursuit finally brought me to the feet of the wise grandmothers of depth psychology and art: Marion Woodman, Aviva Gold, Neala Haze, Jill Mellnick.  They taught me to return to the ground of my body.  Trained me in the arts of the bodysoul.

Here it was that I contacted the ‘uncontacted woman’ in the wilderness of my bodypsyche.  Here it was that I discovered the true source of my power, inspiration, wisdom and transformative love.


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