Lilith

The wild shall meet with the jackals

And the satyr shall cry to his fellow,

And Lilith shall repose there

And find her a place of rest.

The Golem She

Eat the rich
dark earth
mineral tang,
silty grit,
primordial muck.

A place of beginnings
and bacteria,
of growth and decay.

The clay man
stands and forms
female shapes,
moulding the mud
to create flesh-like
Breasts
Thighs
Cunt
Arse
and…

She

These golem girls,
slow bodies
thick with sleep,
begin their sluggish
movements towards
consciousness.

I feel
I hear
I touch
you.

I lick my lips
with curious tongue
and taste
me.

I separate myself
from you
and go my own way….

*********

Beneath the leaf mulch, the scat, the soil, I turn over from below, and rise up through the filth from which I’m formed, breaking through the surface and drawing in first breath. My hair clogged with dirt hangs heavy over my eyes, and so I see the world first through tangled earthy curtain. I am a part of all that I see here. The roots running deep and shallow trace their way through the soil from whence I came, and push up strong stems that soon give way to lush leaves, all glossy green and feathered fern. Strong-perfumed blossoms hang down, petals parting and release their heady fragrance into the warm cloying air. And through the leafy debris upon the ground, glossy black beetles crawl with speed and industry towards some unknown destination.

I stumble to my feet, feeling the strength and stretch in my calves and thighs, the straightening of my spine, the raising of my head. Pushing aside my hair from my face, a streak of mud smears across my cheek and up over my left eye, and I look down to see my hands coated with the silty muddy remains of my own birthing fluids. I become transfixed by my hands, the fingernails torn from clawing myself out through the clay, the grime lining my palms, my knuckles scratched and bloodied from where they rubbed up against the buried stones and rocks. With these hands I pushed and pulled myself into this world. With these hands, I birthed myself.

Placing my hands on my own body, I feel the shape of me. My breasts, my waist, my hips, my arse, the tangled hair between my legs… Yes, I feel the shape of me, and in this moment know myself as Lilith of the earth, the dirt, the mud, the soil. I know myself as Lilith…

* ********

I invite you to begin to connect with your body as being of the earth. Move your hands over your body, feel your skin, your flesh, your bones. Sense its weight, its texture, its presence. And really take in the experience of discovering your body anew. Allow yourself to become fascinated by its shape and form. Feel yourself being seduced by your soft animal.

From here, I encourage you to turn to some flow-writing so that you can begin to capture all that this opening section of the myth, the poem The Golem She, and this sensual visceral exploration of the earthy body has begun to stir for you.

When Lilith Left

A simple no
spoken clearly without
tremor or doubt,
voiced by one who knew,
who knew the nature of her desire,
and wasn’t afraid to dance
to the beat of her own
tender bloody heart.

No.

And then she left.
And from that time
we had no map,
no voice,
no choreography to follow.

But maybe that’s the point.
Lilith left.
And in leaving
she gave us permission
to do the same.

*********

So deep was I in contemplation, in the learning of myself, that he took me by surprise. His voice, untried and raw from lack of use, split the silence and jarred discordant with the harmonious sounds of birdsong that filtered down with the sunlight through the leafy canopy above. His rough-hewn tones so startled all – himself included – that silence quickly fell once more. And in the silence, we studied one another.

Head, neck, collarbone, chest, belly, hips and thighs. Two arms, two legs, two eyes. The same, yes. But also different. He taller, broader in the shoulders, slimmer in the hips, flatter in the chest, longer in the legs. His form all straight lines and hard angles. My own soft swells and gently sloping curves contrasted by his difference. And between his legs, a long limp cock lay nestled in close coiled curls. I reach out to touch, and he lets me hold its weight in my hand, feeling its heat and the smooth silken texture of its skin. As I study, it begins to change, the flesh to harden, to lengthen. Limp no longer, it stands erect. I raise my head to see him staring at me, the heat in his eyes igniting a spark I feel deep in my womb. I step in close, my breasts brushing his chest, and tilt my head towards him, my lips seeking his.

We kiss. Him – hungry, unpracticed, and clumsy – his desire throwing him off balance and out of rhythm. And I marvel at my own ease, my own knowing, my own skill. I take control of our merging, my hands on his shoulders, guiding him down to the ground, down to the leaf mulch, the scat, the soil. Straddling his hips, I feel the long hard length of him against my hot slick core, and roll my hips, calling forth loud moans and sweet sighs from us both. His hands grab and grip my flesh as lust licks the sweat that gathers and drips, and we find ourselves lost to the pleasure of the moment, to the beauty of our bodies giving and taking.

Surprising me with sudden movement, he rolls me to my back. And instantly, I buck my hips, and roll on top once more. Something flickers across his face. Surprise? Yes, at first. And then, I think, annoyance. So it is with less surprise when he flips me to my back and pins me down. I once again feel him pressed hard against my thigh, but now my own desire has been replaced with outrage. I look him in the eye and speak my first word: NO.

*********

Desire can sometimes be a tricky thing to access – especially so, I believe, for women. Conditioned by our society to desire being desired by others, our own true desires get pushed down and ignored, until we’re left feeling numb and lost and strangers to ourselves.

Lilith supports us in this direct connection and communication of our desire. She helps us to feel our full-bodied YES and our full-bodied NO, and strengthens the voice to speak it.

Flow-write on your relationship to your desire, to your yes, to your no. What is it that you’re desiring in this moment? What do you wish to say ‘YES’ to? Where do you feel that in your body? And what are you not desiring in this moment? What do you wish to say ‘NO’ to? Where do you feel that in your body?

Lilith

She showed me her dark heart.
And all clocks stopped.
With broken fingernails
she tore the thin skin
stretched tight across ribs,
hung loose over deflated breasts.

Pressing in, she pulled her chest apart…
and released the stench of death.
And she was unleashed.
Dead doll eyes stared back
but saw nothing.

She showed me her dark heart.
And then I showed her mine.
Dirt, dank, dark, rotten juice drops
from the vegetable tray in the fridge
and covers my fingers in slime.

I feel it coating my skin,
filling the spaces
between flesh
and nail.
The smell of death and decay.

And there,
in the daylight,
in the middle of the kitchen,
on an ordinary Tuesday,
in an ordinary week,
in an ordinary life,
I answer her call.
Lilith’s call.

I smear my body in this stinking liquid
and feel it seep into the thin cotton of my t-shirt,
staining my jeans and dripping
down onto my black sock
so that I can even feel it between my toes.

Lifting the tray above my head, I pour
the contents over me. It runs
in rotten rivers through my hair,
plastering strands to my face.

I gasp at how cold it feels,
at the awful stink that has filled my nose
and my lungs
and which I know will always be there.
Because it always has been.
The difference is I know it now.
I know it
and I claim it as my own.

The sun still streams through the window.
The clock still ticks.
The traffic still hums in the background.
Everything is the same.
And yet everything has changed.

Lilith is here now.

*********

I think we were all a little taken aback when the angels arrived – unexpected and unwanted. Their great golden wings blindingly bright in the strong midday sunlight. But I still saw the look of disgust upon their faces as they looked out upon the many outcast ones, the suffering ones, that now lived upon the margins, and found companionship amongst their kindred. The thieves and the addicts, the mad and the lost, the banished and the abandoned.

Seeing that look of disgust, and the ways in which they hovered so their feet would not touch the earth upon which we stood, lest they be infected by our filth, I felt white hot rage spike through my veins. How dare they! How fucking dare they come to my home and pass judgment upon me and mine! And while their thoughts remained unspoken, their opinion of us remained abundantly clear.

Stepping up before them, drawn to my full height, my lover at my side, I open my mouth and release an ear-splitting scream so shrill that the discordant note splits the sky, and lightning rains down on all from blood red clouds that had gathered to block out the sun. If the angels had expected a warmer welcome, they were now divested of this belief. The outcast ones, the demons, my children all gathered at my back, and for the first time, I saw the angels quiver – not with disgust, but with fear.

“Lilith,” the tallest angel spoke. “We have been sent by God to demand your return. If you refuse, God has decreed that 100 of your children will die every day. Will you return with us? Will you come back to the land where you belong and take your place beneath man?”

Taking a few short steps forward, so stirred am I by my own anger at their arrogance, I spit in his face. “Why the fuck would I want to do that? I would rather live in my own hell than in God’s idea of heaven.” The words spark and fly from my lips, and I see the angels flinch as though my words were blows. “The only way I’ll come back is if I have equal power.”

“That will never happen, Lilith.”

“Then I will never return.”

And even though I wanted to deny the break I felt in my heart at the finality of this separation, I surrendered to the inevitable and found myself both blessed and cursed for all time.

*********

Here we see Lilith claiming her decision, her desire, and staking her claim to her own power on the banks of the deep Red Sea. When she leaves Paradise, it is a step into the unknown. In the 4th part, we see her begin to know herself more deeply through the shamanic painting, the dreams of a past life, the menstrual flow and the sexual meeting with a true equal. And now, knowing what she knows, she makes her final decision not to return to a life of subservience and inequality.

So much here, but really wanting to invite you to write to this place where Lilith chooses to stay – this Land of the Outcasts. Who in you lives there? What is their story? What has been outcast by you? And what is outcast in you?

Lilith chooses to remain outcast – and is both blessed and cursed by this choice. What does this stir for you? What is the blessing of the outcast? And what is the curse?

Flow-write to all this stirs in you

We spring away from one another like the wild animals that we are, hackles rising, teeth bared, a low growl issuing from the backs of our throats. We pace around, we take each other’s measure, and I know what he sees – and it’s not what he expected. I am not what he expected. Yes, my body may be smaller, and he may have an advantage of strength. But my spirit is ferocious, unbound, wild, and in a fight, that advantage he thought he had, would crumble. I am the dangerous one here. I am the one to be feared.

He straightens out of his aggressive stance, turning out his open palms to me in a gesture seeking truce. I hold my own pose for longer, not fully trusting this man, for he has not shown himself to be trustworthy. But eventually, I, too, relax and move to stand, even while I remain prepared to strike if threatened.

“Lilith,” he says in tones of condescension. “Lilith, come now. What is this game you’re playing? We are meant for one another, no? You were made for me. Made to be my wife. So, why not just take your place upon your back, so that I might be your husband. You see that this is the natural order of things, yes?”

“Natural order?” My disgust at his assumption bleeds into my voice. “You know nothing of the natural order. If we are to be husband and wife, if we are to be lovers, then we will meet as equals or not at all.” I speak this last with the finality I feel. For truly there is no compromising in this place. We are equals. Or we are nothing.

But I see he thinks he can change my mind. “But Lilith,” he says, “that’s just the way things are. You were formed from the mud, and I from the dust. That makes me the superior being. Your role here is to submit to my will. You must see that I am right. You see that, yes?”

I do not make the same mistake as he. I see his conviction. I see his belief in the falsity of his perception. And I know there is no future for me here with this man. He cannot meet me as I desire to be met. He cannot honour my dignity, my sovereignty, my self-respect, any more than he can handle my wildness, my ferocity, my power.

“We are done,” I tell him.

“We’ve barely just begun,” he shouts, condescension giving way to his frustration. “If you would only stop being so bloody-minded and do what you’re told, accept your position, and take to your back, then everything will be as it’s supposed to be. Everything will be like God promised me.”

“Yeah, well,” I said, turning on my heel and heading out through the trees, “God, can go fuck himself.”

*********

Lilith speaks to the part of us that is wholly unwilling to compromise that which is essential to our sense of self. If there is no equality, then there is nothing. She demands that we be met in a true place in relationship, and where this isn’t present, she chooses the expression of her own true nature, of her own true desire, over continuing in a relationship without respect and honouring. Even when that means exile from the place others have determined “Paradise”.

While we can absolutely see this playing out through the dynamics of relationship between self and other, I really want to stress that each of the elements found within myth are played out within us. And as such, this dynamic is one which becomes expressed through the individual. The myths allow us to shine a light on the relationship we have with self.

So, I’d invite you to circle this place of suppression, submission, and the compromising of one’s essential self. How would you describe your true nature? How does your true nature, your true desire express? Where is the feminine within and with-out expected to take to her back and do as she’s told? Where is the masculine within and with-out acting in unconscious relationship to dominate the feminine? What is your experience of these power dynamics as they’ve played out in your past? As they play out in this moment? As they play out personally? culturally? politically?

Flow-write to all this stirs.

The Blindfold

Speak to me of sashaying hips,
and licked lips that drip
honeyed words of
Self-seduction;
where the round mouth sounds
the vowels of inarticulate ecstasy –
Ah! – Uh! – Oh!
Oh oh Lilith!
The exultant cry erupts
from an audience raised on reality tv,
who think they want intimacy…
but when the cameras stop rolling,
and someone extinguishes the spotlight,
and they are stumbling
around in the dark –
just like everyone else,
just like us –
both then and now
and in the coming moments…
Only then will they begin to see
the blindness of close connection.

The focus blurs,
senses overwhelm.
Another’s breath lightly kisses
our cheek, and a hand reaches out
and, accidentally, brushes a breast.
Before pulling back
as if stung.
Perhaps by shame.
Fumbling, stumbling,
here in the dark,
with you and me
and all our shadow companions,
in this place that defies
the all-seeing eye,
hidden in plain sight.

Here we brush up against reality.
And it feels like dying.

*********

My blasphemous words had no sooner left my lips, than I felt power surge through my bones, and I spirited myself out of Paradise to the Red Sea and the Land of the Outcasts – the place where the heretics, the criminals, the persecuted and the revolutionaries roamed. Condemned as demons, they lived outside the world order, remained in communion with the ancient wild ways, and cast off the shackles of a life lived according to God’s plan.

It was here that I found home – a place where I could belong and could be myself freely and fully. No-one was going to insist I lay on my back here. No-one would ever expect me to be anything less than I am.

I took up residence in a sea cave carved out of the rock by aeons of waves rushing and crashing, breaking upon the stone surface over and over. On the walls of my cave, I created huge paintings with the blood that freely flowed from between my legs, of the tree where I lived in my dreams with the snake in the roots and the owl in the branches. And as I painted I remembered another life – one where I was the handmaiden of Inanna, and my role was to gather the men and bring them to the temple where their sighs and groans and deep long moans would echo through the halls as the priestesses delivered healings through ecstatic rites.

“Lilith,” a voice spoke from the shadows. “Lilith.” I turn to face the darkness, and see the face of my lover. Not one unpracticed and clumsy, such as the one I left behind. No, this one knew how to make my body sing. This one knew how to fuck me and how to be fucked. His tongue would swirl around the pearl that sat at the apex of my sex, and lap at the blood that flowed and flowed. And together we would know one another in the way that only true equals can.

We were married by the Blind Dragon, who, finding us spent upon the cave floor, licked the blood and semen from our bodies, so that the taste of our slaked lust would be forever upon his tongue. And from our fucking, our progeny issued forth – the Lilin, the Lili, the Lilu, the Incubus and the Succubus. Each one intent on delivering the revenge that was most surely mine to take from a lineage unwilling to meet me as I am – in my potency and power.

*********

Lilith self-exiles to the Land of the Outcasts – a place populated by the heretics, the criminals, the banished and the persecuted. And here she finds a sense of belonging amongst those who are deemed to be “unacceptable” and “unaccepted” by society.

As we spiral deeper into our explorations of this myth, Lilith calls us to turn to that which we believe to be unacceptable about ourselves.That which we reject, banish, persecute and project, so that we might distance ourselves from these aspects of self for which we fear we may be outcast.

Who is this outcast one in you? What does it mean to be an outcast? What is turning over from below that you have sought to repress for fear of being seen as “unacceptable”?

And yes, here we have a very different sexual encounter described – what does this stir for you?

Lilith is a goddess of menstrual blood and invites us into this deeper, more visceral relationship to our blood cycles. Demetra George in Mysteries of the Dark Moon describes the subversive nature of Lilith’s connection to her sexuality and menstrual blood…

“Because the sexuality of menstruation does not lead to conception in a physical sense, it “is the gateway to magic and extrasensory perception.” The Cabbala states that Lilith is the ladder on which one can ascend to the rungs of prophecy. The patriarchy rejected Lilith’s menstrual sexuality because it did not result in the birth of children. They also feared the psychic power of a woman’s red time. In defaming Lilith, menstruation was simultaneously tabooed to prevent women from discovering the power of their wise blood.”

What is, or what has been, your connection to your blood cycle? As you read this scene of Lilith and her lover, how does it feel in your body? Do you relate to it? And if so, how?

Flow-write to all that is stirred for you.

De-Armouring

In the mirror
I see a woman
ripping off her corset,
exposing her soft belly,
her less than pert breasts,
her stretch marked thighs
and her unsung hips.

I see her liberating herself.
And, as she does so,
the light learns her flesh –
kissing her skin,
stroking the soft down of her hair.

In each and every moment
she is remade anew –
a mysterious land without map,
her body an invitation to be learned,
by her,
from the inside
out.

I see there is no loss of self,
no fragmentation,
no fragility, even.
All is present in every moment.

How could it not be?
If you felt lost a moment ago,
you can be found again in the next.
You are whole.
You are perfect.
But conditioned
to believe the opposite.

I can see the shackles
falling away –
a woman released and ready –
tender, raw and vulnerable…
but immensely strong, capable
and oh so resilient.

*********

The Myth

As myth writes it, Lilith was Adam’s first wife, but they weren’t happy together.  Lilith questioned why during intercourse she should lie beneath Adam when, since they were both created from dust she was his equal. When Adam insisted on the superior position, and Lilith could see he might overpower her, she uttered the name of God and flew away to the Red Sea where she engaged in “unbridled promiscuity,” birthing many wild creaturas.  God attempted to bring her back to Adam and she refused.  God then created Eve from Adam’s rib and proclaimed from the beginning that she would be ‘beneath’ him.

 

The more ancient Eve as Goddess represents the earlier primary supremacy of the Goddess-based religions before God became supreme.  The snake is her servant.  Sometimes Lilith is imaged with a snake lower body and a woman’s upperworld.  She is shown as having a wisdom beyond that of the male. The feminine was originally connected to sexuality, birth and death.  With the coming of patriarchal religions these functions were taken over by the male God and feminine sexuality and magic were disconnected from reproduction and motherhood.  Thus and  Eve was split  into the obedient dutiful wife, and the instinctual wild free spirit which Lilith represents.

 

Lilith’s Sacred Powers:

• Originated in the Old Goddess religions – Snake is Her servant and Sacred Power of Wisdom
• Personifies the natural animal instincts of a woman, the soft animal body Mary Oliver talks about in her poem Wild Geese
• Instinctual free spirit of woman
• Refuses to lie underneath – have a strong sexual nature which is unto herself
• Demands equal freedom to move, change, be herself
• Deep sensual and seductive qualities
• Wildness and oneness with the forces of Nature
• Independence and refusal to submit to authority
• Second half of menstrual cycle – waning of the moon
• Loss of egg at menstruation – Lilith represents the death of a potential child – unfertilized eggs
• Lilith is the Wild Woman living in the desert close to birds and beasts
• The Snake and the Screech Owl are her Sacred Animals

 

Lilith’s Shadows

• • Repressed sexuality
  • Destructive sexuality
  • Unable to say “No!”
  • Fear of the wildness within yourself or in others
  • Lilith’s rage may surface when you are tired or sick or your freedom is curtailed in some way by the life you have chosen
  • Unconscious Lilith manifests as incapable of nurturing your body… not eating or exercising, punishing yourself for forbidden although hidden, physical desires
  • Abusing your body through drugs and alcohol is one way of allowing oneself to indulge in sexual experiences without having to take full responsibility for one’s sexual feelings, allowing the Lilith side to occasionally overpower and destroy the Eve side.

 

Embodying the Powers of the Goddess Lilith

Lilith’s wildness and freedom can be experienced by…

• Go out to the wilderness and move your body like an creature of the wilds, releasing animal cries and screams. This allows you to experience not only a primal part of your own being but also to identify with animals who are free, or sometimes trapped and hunted.
• Get in touch with this wildness during your blood cycle. Take time alone so as to be free to cry, rage, and give vent to your instinctual side. Write. Paint. Move your pain.
• Dance to connect with your sensuality. Middle Eastern dance, Belly dancing, exotic costumes and moving in sensual ways.
• African dance and drumming tap into your primal sexual force
• Sensuality through your voice, chanting from the depths of the solar plexus and hearing your own strong female sound come through
• Art, women’s poetry (Sappho, Mary Oliver,), music. Through art, music, and poetry women connect with their deeply sensual nature.
• Backpacking into the wilderness: become freer and more independent

 

Astrology – Black Lilith (Black Moon) in your chart:

The Black Lilith archetype revealed in your chart touches into super-conscious psycho-spiritual processes. It identifies where we experience a subliminal state of continual, spiritual “crisis” for having to be confined to an ego identity. It is where personal desires may get in the way of how the universe wants to live out that energy through us; an area of our lives that we cannot make happen, but happens through us. A hidden alchemy is in progress , not easily seen by those close to us or even by ourselves, but sometimes becoming a hallmark of our lives. Black Moon Lilith is where we must completely let go. No other option will open the door to her secret garden.

 

Altar and Ritual work

• Masks, body paint, costumes to personify the goddess
• Animals masks (snake, owl and lion)
• Altar: picture of Lilith
• Photos of beautiful sensual women
• Owl wings or feather
• Snake skin
• Candles – black and red
• Object identified with night symbolizing Lilith’s energy
• Drumming and rattling and dancing to strong passionate music

 

What ways would you like to be more free, wild, sexual and open with your Lilith energy?

 How will you say NO to certain elements in your lives?

 

 

Wild Geese